Somethings, I'll miss

As my time in Turkey is winding down, I've been thinking about the things I will miss. I'm sure once I actually leave, there will be more things that I wasn't prepared to miss. Isn't it always that way?

 1. The Honor System 
It doesn't seem to matter where you go in Turkey, but if you don't have the money to pay for something and the shopkeeper knows you are good for it, you can pay later. Might be at the grocery, might be at dinner, might be at the school canteen. It's nice. While I've never really pushed this system beyond a few lira, it seems that there really isn't any urgency to pay your bill. Everyone seems to know that eventually, things will get paid. As a shopkeeper, I think this would be difficult to manage, but as a customer, it's nice when you are short just a little.

2. Relax and sit a spell
Any restaurant I've ever been to in Turkey I've had to ask for the bill. Restaurant owners don't mind if you had an entire three or five course meal or just a glass of tea, but the table you occupy is yours until you don't want it any more. No rushing. No fussing wait staff. No evil eye insinuating you need to leave. No "Thanks, and here's the bill." No. Just no. Relax. Sit. Drink some tea. Enjoy the company you are with.

3. Mediterranean Diet
While olive oil has pretty much caught on in the US, we are still lacking in our selection of olives and various cheeses made with sheep and goat's milk. I love olives -- especially the big fat green ones. Here in Turkey, olives of all kinds are an addition to almost every meal. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. Often times they are lightly drizzled with olive oil, but lots of times they are seasoned with pomegranate sauce, or balsamic, or something else yummy. Recently, I discovered some with walnuts! Delish!

Additionally, on pretty much every corner, I can find a shop with dried fruit and nuts. It might sounds a bit ridiculous, but these shops are all just a little bit different. Some are bigger, some are smaller, some are more fresh. Some I go to specifically for almonds, some I go to specifically for pistachios, some for cezerye (the tall orange spotted stuffed, made with carrots and hazelnuts). I know I have become a fresh nut snob. There really is a difference people. Really. Dried fruit has become a staple in my snack rotation. I'm going to really miss naturally dried apricots(from Malatya)stuffed with a walnut. Delicious. For about a month, I avoided the brown ones (the ones on the bottom right) and only was eating the orange ones (the ones on the bottom left). One of the Turks asked me me to try one from Malatya, and I've never bought the orange ones again! Come to find out the brown ones are dried naturally while the orange ones are not. Eww.



4. Trains, Planes, and Automobiles
Modes of transportation vary on any street within the country -- cars, electric motorcycles, fueled powered motorcycles, carts, horses, buses, bicycles. You name it, you can find it. I think I wrote about my cycling experience here last year. I love riding my bike to work. I love that I don't have to get in a car to go from place to place. It's normal for people to walk, take the bus, ride a bike. I'm really going to try and not buy a car when I get home. Going to try only biking, walking, and buses -- and the occasional ride from my friends.

If I want to get to the airport in Adana, there is a shuttle I can take. It's about a 15 minute walk from my apartment to the pick up spot. I have to pay 15TL (about $7.50 each way) and I easily avoid traffic and parking. The shuttles are provided by the airlines. Brilliant if you ask me.

While I do have to say that train travel in the southern part of Turkey is lacking, it's still nice to know that I have the option to get to another town. The train station is about a 20 minute walk from my apartment, and I can get to Adana or Mersin with ease.

The one transportation that I will really miss is the school coordinates a pick up service for all teachers and students. All I have to do it walk out my apartment building, and the service bus picks me up Monday through Friday. While I don't have a choice in when I arrive to school, there are two times I can leave school via service bus -- one with the kids at 3:35 and the other is at 5:30. Again, brilliant.

Just a few of my favorite things...Turkish style.

Something I'm Good At

Isolation: the act of detaching or separating as to be alone. I've always done it when things get tough. When it all just seems like too much, I'm really good at pushing people away. In my mind, the lack of emails, FB postings, and blogging would make me stronger. Some sort of effort to prove that I could do it. I'm not sure who it is that I'm trying to trump because in the end it's me who looses: friendships, connections, laughter, adventures. 

This adventure has been hard -- way harder than I thought it would be. Yes, I have had some amazing travel opportunities, but in exchange, I feel I have lost quiet a bit: some of me, some of you dear reader, birthdays, holidays, backyard bar-b-ques, impromptu drinks on the patio, belly laughs before/during/and after derby practice, a settled in feeling of belonging.

These things have existed in my life of being an expat these last two years -- except the last one -- well, and derby practice! I think that no matter how long you live in a place, there will be certain things that just don't make sense, that don't resonate with you, that prove you are a foreigner. I have much respect for the people who have decided that this is the life for them, but at this point in my life, I'm having difficulty.

I finally made a decision about next year (really in December I officially told the school). I'm coming home. It was a lengthy decision process. At first, I truly contemplated staying here another year as this year started out so much better than last year. However, the headmaster was asked to step down and now the principal is also leaving. 

I made myself go to the meetings with the three new headmaster candidates to see what might be in store for TAC 2014-2015. There was one who I really felt I could work with as he had international experience and had lived in Syria in early 2000. Sadly, he was not the candidate chosen. The board decided to go with my least favorite -- no international experience, and his answers to my questions were vague and mindless blabber.

Another friend is the headmaster at one of the sister schools in Istanbul, so I went there for a three day weekend in December to get a feel for the school and the expat community. I observed six classes and by the end of the day I was completely disenchanted with the students and the staff. I was sadly disappointed as this is one of the top two schools in the country.

I asked a lot of questions, and the answer that stood out the most was when I asked four different people what the biggest challenge was working at the school: they all said the people in the English department. Not really what I was hoping for in a new school. Also, I observed three grade 11 classes (possibly what I would be teaching) and all three were lacking structure, classroom management, and oh, so much more. In one class, not one student had completed his/her homework. No one. Again, I was shocked that this is one of the top schools in Turkey.

Additionally that weekend, I volunteered at a soup kitchen mostly Syrian refugees in Istanbul. At that moment, I realized how much I missed being part of a larger community: American Cancer Society, Habitat for Humanity, Human Society. These communities wove their way into my life without me even noticing. It's good to do good. 

Finally, the weekend culminated with a small gathering of expats. My questions continued, yet their answers were ones that I could have easily parroted: feeling of being an outsider, disappointment in the schools, missing home life, and the day-to-day normal stuff of being able to understand. (Oh, and good cheddar cheese, cilantro, chips and salsa!)

I even looked at attending a teaching fair in Africa, but I really didn't feel up to a new culture, new language, new everything again. I'm tired. Tired of being the foreigner. Tired of not understanding everything (even when things are explained in English). Tired of not having a place where I belong.

I felt like the universe was telling me to head home -- really kind of yelling at me. I've also decided I'm going to take some time off from the classroom. Eighteen years is a long time to do this job! 

I am glad I took the opportunity to live overseas. I have learned a lot about myself, but really just that I still have so much more to learn. While I have no explanation of my habit of isolating myself, I'm hoping to reconnect with many of you and piece together a community again. 

xoxox